Elena Tommaseo is an independent woman, a one person institution, born in Italy but who has made Delhi her home for more than a decade.
We are equal irrespective of our attributes–who we are, where we belong, what we believe in. Elena in that sense is a humanist–another label that’s about bot labelling people into categories. A progressive woman without theism, affirmative, responsible and independent. Elena leads an ethical life of personal fulfillment, while always aspiring for a greater good.
Existentialists say, we have no choice where we are born, to which family, under what circumstances, male or female, and thus our life is shaped by our environment and life is nothing but a blind date with destiny. That’s true and not true at the same time–at least the blind date with destiny bit. The two contrarian possibilities can coexist. For the environment we live in definitely shapes us, but we also, by dint of our actions, shape our environment.
Elena is of the second kind, a doer, treading the path of life alone without feeling lonely, has this great ability to appreciate beauty in things, actions and emotions and enrich her life. She made some unusual choices. A vagabond by heart, she has amassed a wealth of experiences and friends.
We met after a long time in a noisy café in Khan Market over lunch and ordered chicken-salad. The conversations started about how bad a planner I’m. And how things happen randomly and then settle into some sort of a rhythm. She simply said, “I don’t plan.” “That's why you’re here,” I retorted. What I said was not particularly funny, but we laughed.
Elena is in a good place at this stage of her life after having amassed a wealth of experience. Apart from so many things she does like being a designer of things and is particularly interested in textiles and handicrafts, she also conducts guided tours in Delhi, and knows a lot more about the city than I would ever do. And she does it in her own quintessential style. Her website–elena-and-delhi.com– asserts that if you want to experience the city beyond the “obvious” and “clichés” you are at the right place! That’s true about her life too.
Elena is guided by insatiable curiosity and lived Delhi to the fullest, stayed in localities like Jangpura, Lajpat Nagar, Greater Kailash. She does her grocery shopping from local markets, she particularly mentions Bhogal for buying good olive oil at a reasonable price. She avoids going to swanky supermarkets and for a good reason, and advises the same to her expat friends.
What made her not plan her life in the way people do to have some semblance of control over their life? She was born in a family of nobility. Her father had four brothers, he was brought up in a ‘traditional’ setting, which was reflected in the way he gave upbringing to his children. Elena was the eldest. “I’d fight a lot to have my way. I opened doors for my sisters. I had to face the brunt (for not subscribing to normative existence).” The expectations were to get married to a lawyer or a well off man from a noble family or one of the sons of her father’s friends.
Elena wasn’t made to do all that. And she’d confront her father saying, “did you adopt me? I don’t feel like your daughter.” Her father with a grin would point to their faces which bore deep resemblance. And Elena’s adoption theory would be junked at that very moment.
“The more he pushed me in one direction, the more I pulled away in the other direction,” she sums it. She was different, she wanted to experience, and travel, and not be confined to a life of a certain mindset. Her mother is 9 years younger than her father, and she made it clear to Elena, “I don’t want to argue with your father because of you.” She is a bit of a traveller too, has been to India 7 times, even before Elena did, and has been to places like Nagaland.
When Elena was studying design in Milan, her father was also posted there. And they would meet and interact often over lunches and dinner. They became friends. She lost him recently. And to conceptualize grief–life and death–she is drawn to Buddhism.
Her tryst with India started in 1997, when she came backpacking here with two friends and a cousin, and travelled extensively in Rajasthan, Orchha, Khajuraho, Agra, and more and more places. On this trip, she met a man, and again when she came backpacking to India the following year with some other friends. Romance ensued, four years later they were married and lived together for 17 years.
Now Italy is a place that Elena feels, “I don't belong to anymore.” She thinks about her home in Delhi when she is visiting her family in Venice. “I miss Delhi, people, friends,” she says. Though time spent in Italy is gormandising bonanza–especially wine and cheese. “I used to be fond of cooking. Now I'm fond of eating,” she says with a smile.
The pandemic years were transformational for her–she feels it has enhanced her capacity to discern things. Buddhism helped. And she says with conviction that she is “not afraid of dying.” A healthy attitude towards death is good for life. All she wants is to “be aware when I go.”
One of the things that she’s not happy about is people getting categorical–black and white–in their world view. There’s little ‘acceptance’ for a contrarian view. “So, if you support the Palestinian cause, you are called an anti-Semitic,” she says and adds rather agitatedly, “not taking a position is also a position. Why do you have to take a position all the time?” If you take a position, immediately you're marked and categorised.
We are equal irrespective of our attributes–who we are, where we belong, what we believe in. Elena in that sense is a humanist–another label that’s about bot labelling people into categories. A progressive woman without theism, affirmative, responsible and independent. Elena leads an ethical life of personal fulfillment, while always aspiring for a greater good.
Life’s a beautiful journey that makes the blind date with destiny alluring.
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