A people's person Ajay Upadhyay was a scholar, a thinker, a great conversationalist, and a valued friend. He blended seamlessly with all kinds of people, and made them all so comfortable that they’d invariably had a heartfelt conversation—that’s because he was an intellectual yet very humble. He was happy with people, and people were happy with him.
As Socrates famously said, “The more I know, the more I realize I know nothing.” Ajay ji, as I would call him, knew a lot. He was so well read, and would interact with the authors, as if having a real time conversation, by way of reading their writings.
He’d toss ideas to make people think, set the template for a conversation, and was, always, hooked on to the larger picture. This has to be said, his wide-ranging knowledge and in-depth understanding of issues, made him an expert generalist.
An engineer by training, a journalist by profession, a socialite by temperament, a family man with spiritual inclination, a conservative who toyed with radical ideas. Ajay ji, hailed from Varanasi, was a man of varied paradoxes, and his uncanny ability to find a common ground despite the contradictions is admirable. There could be a difference of opinion, but never a conflict. ‘I’m inclined to take offence,’ he’d say in the softest possible tone if he didn’t like what was told to him.
I first met him at a coffee shop in Khan Market. He was having an animated conversation on a separate table. I overheard the conversation. He made a lot of sense to me. I wanted to be part of that conversation. Such a situation repeated itself a few times. On one occasion, I helped him descend a flight of steep stairs. I don’t remember what we talked about but it was nice.
We exchanged numbers, and then messages, and soon we were sitting on either side of the same table at the same café and talking particularly about things in general. We got on like a house on fire.
An engineer by training, a journalist by profession, a socialite by temperament, a family man with spiritual inclination, a conservative who toyed with radical ideas. Ajay ji was a man of varied paradoxes, and his uncanny ability to find a common ground despite the contradictions is admirable.
We exchanged visits, and then he became a regular at various gatherings at my place. At that point in time, my home was a cultural melting pot, people from varied nationalities, cultures would assemble to have ‘spirted’ conversations. Ajay ji was the senior most, and would participate with gusto in these high-decibel-deliberations, either sipping water or nimbu pani. ‘You’re high on life,’ a German friend told him after he had nurtured a couple of drinks—water. ‘Indeed!’ he said with much emphasis. We had a good laugh.
Ajay ji became integral to many such conversations. He would give a distinct perspective to things mundane. His kind and benign persona was electric and would get on the good side of people. There were occasions when he couldn’t make it to our regular gatherings, his absence was strongly felt, almost with the same intensity as his presence. Now that he has passed beyond the veil, I feel the same.
I have over the years acquired a big family made of dear friends. Ajay ji definitely is one of them. I got to know his family made of distinct people with their quintessential world view. His son, Vartik, is a friend in his own right.
Ajay ji knew many people and he facilitated collaborations. Encouraged people with common interests to work together, sometimes even provided the superstructure of such collaborations. Politicians, investors, industrialists, to name a few, all held him in high esteem, for he enthralled them with his knowledge, flooded them with ideas, and helped them make the right connections, and do new things.
He was best friends to many, and he had many best friends. Ajay ji would see good in people and engage with it. There were many of his friends who became good friends of mine, but there were some who I never ingratiate with because they were not my kind, but Ajay ji seemed to get along well, and was so approachable to all.
Even a journalist friend of ours who had a bit of a reputation as an alcoholic, he would refuse to leave after the party was over, and would stay overnight and finish the leftovers. To get rid of him while trying not to be rude was an onerous task. I would complain to Ajay ji the next day and he’d say in his quintessential soft voice with a smiling face, ‘he's like that.’ There are good and bad qualities in everyone, and if a friend, Ajay ji accepted a person in totality.
Ajay ji would think big and different. One of his pet projects was to start a religion for the technology driven world. I’m reminded of the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, ‘To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.’ In that sense, Ajay ji was a big success. At the same time, he was also an instrument of change for the better in the lives of many.
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